June 29, 2023

The late-night hangout described in my other post started what would become my and James’ relationship. 

We “talked” for a month, and then dated for a month. That’s it. Two months. 

There is a part of me that feels that I have no right to write this blog. I am well aware of all of you who are enduring the effects of separating from partners or spouses who you have been with for literally years. I cannot imagine. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to continue to fortify the emotional tie between me and James before separating, or what it would be like to form a life with a husband for years, only to lose him and have to rebuild a life of your own. 

When I think these thoughts, I remind myself that, even though all of us will experience different kinds of pain and different amounts of it, there is still value in shared pain. 

I and James were only together for about two months. We had been friends for a good while beforehand, though, and that combined with the way our personalities and communication styles seemed to “click” allowed us to dive into the deep end emotionally very quickly. 

I am one of those few people who waited until my mid twenties to get into a real relationship. James was the first person I ever really loved, who also loved me back. 

The two months of us being together were two of the best months of my life. James was what you would think of as the ideal boyfriend. He was extraordinarily caring, attentive, and emotionally intelligent. He went on adventures with me. Watched the sunrise sitting under a warm blanket with me in the heart of winter. Cooked for me. Sang to me. Christmas time felt like a hallmark movie. I remember driving through the snow, with him belting out song after Disney song, holding my hand when he wasn’t using it to drive or to provide extra theatrical gestures to accompany his singing. 

I had heard love was powerful, but I could not have guessed the intoxicating effects of being so enthralled with another human being, and the special connection we had. I began to envision and hope for a future together. James felt like “the one.”