Rachel here. I know I am not the only one out there who has had my heart broken. You probably wouldn’t be looking at this blog if we both had not shared this experience. For the last five and a half months, I have been in “survival mode.” You know what I mean. That feeling of just scraping by. Of working your hardest just to get your brain chemicals up, climbing your way out of the anxiety and the sense of grief or desperation. You are familiar, I am guessing, with the feeling of emotional pain that has turned into a physical sensation burning across your chest. And if you are familiar with the feelings and sensations of a broken heart, if you know what I am talking about, then we are both strangers and companions at the same time. Telling and sharing stories has healing power. And like two threads on the opposite side of a giant tapestry, both of our brave stories of pain, healing and restoration are part of a larger whole that creates a beautiful picture for the next courageous ones who will walk in the steps of seeking out healing. We don’t have to come into contact to share in both the pain and the healing.
Maybe you are one of the people who has happened upon this blog because you experienced or are experiencing loss due to sex addiction. If you are like me when I first heard the term, it is a journey even figuring out what that means. I could not find enough information on the internet – especially in shared stories. If you are facing struggling through any trial caused by sex addiction, well, you are not alone. I am sharing my story here to be one of those missing stories. Sharing the pain and the struggle, because I know that shared stories are powerful.
Another reason I am writing this blog – the main reason – is for my own personal healing. I have been inspired by a couple of friends, who film weekly podcasts and publish them, even though they only get around 30 views per post. Also by Brené Brown, who says in her book “Rising Strong” that it is important to process our pain and emotions through something creative.
I am changing key identifying details, such as the names of people and places, but the events and the pain of what I am writing is true.
I am normally a perfectionist, but I am not writing this blog to accomplish perfection. It will be raw, it will be relatively un-edited and not always concise, and it will not be perfect. And this is my first time using WordPress; I’m a brokenhearted, technologically challenged gal in my mid to late twenties who is climbing my way out of an emotional hole. Sometimes showing and sharing “less than perfect” to each other is important. It reminds us that being less than perfect is the norm – we are not the airbrushed, Instagram-ready versions of ourselves that we try to display to the world.
I am also striving to show the real me. I am a Christian who is striving to figure out what that means in a world where a lot of us have been broken by the Church. You will see some of that brokenness displayed in the words of this blog. For the sake of authenticity and healing, my thoughts about life and my personal views will probably show up in this blog. Whatever your background and whatever your walk of life, I hope this blog is an inviting enough place for you to stay. A place where I present my true self to the best of my ability, but without judgment. Please present your true self if you choose to comment on one of the posts.
Some of the stories about me and James may trigger grief in you. If anything is too difficult to read, please stop, friend. Here, I am trying to both write out my sense of grief and also reflect. The pieces that are more reflection-based may be more helpful to you.
This is meant to be a place of healing. For me. For you, if anything I write relates to you. I will bare my tears, my shame, my sadness here. Please keep the “place of healing” mentality if you write any comments. Shared stories and non-judgement are what I desire here. Healing happens between people and through stories. I am writing mine to help me, and hoping it can also help you.